21st century love

I've heard so many things about love and relationships. I could write a book with all that I've ever been told, but the book on what I actually know about love and relationships would be a very small picture book with phrases starting out with, "I think..."

The love I've experienced is not like the movies I watch, not like the novels I read and not even close to how everyone tells me it is supposed to be.

I just don't know what to do.

I sometimes think it would be better if I could go back to a time when love was simpler. When you married cause you had to and not cause you wanted to. When marriages were arranged. When there was no texting or tumblr or facebook as the main means to communicate with your love.

I want to go back to when people wrote letters, and came to your door with flowers before the date, and who met your parents the very first night they took you out.

May be I am just silly and getting worried about nothing, but I think pure love between two people is a dying art.

No one can say "I love you," without sending it in a text first.

No one can have a stable relationship till they declare it on facebook.

No one feels loved unless their pictures on instagram and their statuses are all filled with their lover's name and face.

I don't know what love looks like between me and another individual, but I do want it to be so much more than what I see, what I hear and the little that I know.

hours later with a reprise

I still believe what I said in the earlier post, but don't forget circumstances because if you do then you're screwed.

Cryptic? A bit?

That's okay. Just don't forget what you want nor what you can't have.

Fifty Shades of Fucked Up: unmasked and whipped

Well, I just finished Fifty Shades Darker by E L James. If you don't know already, the trilogy of The Fifty Shades of Grey novels are about the erotic and kinky relationships that spurs between Ana Steele and Christian Grey.

The novels were written as a fanfic for Twilight. Fan fiction is where fans continue the stories of characters such as Bella and Edward or Ron and Hermione or even Hermione and Ginny in a sexually exploited way.

I found Fifty Shades of Grey and the sequel, Fifty Shades Darker to be compelling, yet greatly disappointing.

Besides the fact that it was Twilight all over again just with different names, scenarios and characters, it was disgusting how self deprecating Ana, our protagonist, is and how misleading it is of the world of BDSM.

I'll admit when I first read Twilight while sitting in the hallways of high school, ignoring my hot boyfriend and secretly hoping for a SoCal Edward to appear, I was over the moon about the book. I was a Twihard. Team Edward all the way. Someone please take me to Forks, Washington.

Anywho, I suppose reading this new rendition of the Twilight story and characters under the name of Fifty Shades of Grey, only drove my thought of hatred and disgust further.

The novel's protagonist, Bella and Ana, are so obscenely self deprecating that I think it to be a crime that wounds its readers.

Young girls (maybe or maybe not in the case of Fifty Shades) read these novels thinking that it is okay to think so lowly of themselves. Movies and books influence our lives in ways we can't even begin to know. For anyone who hasn't read either of the novels let me give you a quick summary: Neither Ana nor Bella think they are worthy of the love of the their man (Christian & Edward). They countlessly and tiresomely say how they don't understand why this man loves them. "How could someone like you be with someone like me."

I am sorry Bella and Ana, but shut the fuck up.

They are seriously misleading women and girls to believe that if they think lowly of themselves that there will be some man waiting in the wings for them, professing how unworthy he is of them.

Let me tell you from first hand experience. When you start whining and complaining how you feel unworthy of your lover's heart and soul, they will leave, quickly.

I know because I have had people leave me for that self deprecating behavior. I have left people for that behavior because no matter how often or how much I tell someone I care and love them, they still continuously harp about how they think they are annoying me or how they aren't good enough. It is fucking annoying and honestly after a while you're like, "fine you ugly self loathing person just leave already."

Jeez!

I think the book glorifies women feeling inadequate. Bottom line. You don't have to be pompous and egotistical, but you should love yourself enough to know why someone else would also.


Lastly, though I don't know the dark depths of the licentious lifestyle of BDSM, I do know that Fifty Shades only touches on it briefly. It gives a misleading idea about the lifestyle and I think readers will wrongfully identify with it. To me it does not seem right to romanticize BDSM when the nature of it is pleasure in pain. Let me clarify that I do not disagree with the lifestyle or the choices, but I read the book particularly because I saw a page that said fisting and butt plug on it and unfortunately it was found nowhere else in the book. I find it to be a faulty account of the culture, and that's all.


Overall, the female leads that self loathe and seek validation from a man makes me disgruntled and disheartened. What happened to our femme fatales? Also, painting a picture of leather and whips and flowers and hearts is a jigsaw puzzle of controversy (though that is not to say that there isn't love in BDSM because there is, but too many stupid and naive people are going to read this book and then go out and buy japanese silk rope and accidentally asphyxiate themselves while trying to get off).

At the same time I think it is good to unveil this somewhat taboo lifestyle, hopefully enlightening all those close minded people.

In conclusion, I despise the characters mainly because they mirror an old reflection of myself and I would hate for anyone to hate themselves as much as I did at one point in my life.

The end.