If only

If only you knew you had it backwards. It is me not you because this is the second time this has happened. With you it was a bit different yet still the same. I am ready and yet not enough. A part of me really believes this because if I was worth it then things would be different. Or maybe I am just stupid and can only find people who want the exact opposite of what I want. I am honestly not sure which it is or if it is all these factors. It hurts less the second time around because I've experienced this before, but it also hurts more than ever because I really wanted this one. I don't know if I will be able to hangout with him cause I don't know if I can handle it all. It hurts when you wanted the best outcome and instead got the worst. I don't like to see what I can't have and maybe that's selfish but what else can I do? Maybe the way I feel about it will change.