going on a journey

Here I am again.

And I am scared, but I am also hopeful of what is to come.
I want to eat grilled cheeses with you, watch movies and cuddle, kiss you, do dirty things with you, grind my nails into your arms and of course mark you with my bites. I want this weekend to be as good as it can be. Yeah, you might get tired of me and I think that's what I fear. If you suddenly become mad at me then that's okay cause we can fix it. If you feel like you want to hit me over the head with a frying pan because I am so annoying, well, I can't do much about it.

I've never done this. I have never spent a weekend with a guy. I always leave. I never sleepover. I remember there was this moment at sfsu where I made this guy I was seeing walk me back to my dorm at 3 am, in the titty freezing cold, every time we hooked up/hungout.

So of course I am nervous. I don't know what it is like to sleep next to someone from night till morning. Just kidding, I totally just remembered, I have slept over at a guys house. He was my first boyfriend that I had deep feelings for, but it was honestly such a fucked up relationship. Anywho, I would lie to my parents about where I was going, get wasted off Captain Morgan and then try and fall asleep with him. Even though I was so drunk it was hard to sleep next to him. How someone sleeps is a private thing. I don't look pretty like some girls do when they sleep. I am not worried about being pretty, I was just making a statement. Like I said, I am nervous, but I trust him. I trust that things will pan out as they may no matter how much I want to control them. I just hope that this whole blow up was just a part of the game and that if we hit another blow up that I will handle it better. I want this to work.