fuck me.

I tell myself I'll be different. He'll be different. The situation will be different. The outcome will be different. Yet somehow it all comes down to being the same sad pathetic story of something that could've been special gone wrong. And I am really tired of either me or the situation or the guy screwing it up. I really don't want to try anymore. I know I say that and then a month from now you'll find me blogging about someone else, but honestly he is the last for a while. I just can't take the constant disappointment. I can't take getting my hopes up, thinking this one will be mine, the one I stay up late with laughing and talking with just to find out in that in the end I am falling asleep by myself waiting for his call. Companionship isn't needed, it is wanted.
And I don't really understand what happened. The rules? The exclusivity? I don't know. But everything became less and less. I know it's not the end of the world. I am sad, yes, because I thought this was going to be different. You never really know do you?