fears are falling

I feel like shit. I am depressed and anxious beyond means and the reason why is because I am afraid. In the past few weeks I have felt like I have been failing at screenwriting and dping and just everything involved with film. To write movies and to make movies is my dream but when I can't successfully write a stellar script for my group's film project it makes me sad. How am I ever going to write a feature film when I can't even write a god damn 5 page script for a college film class? To make things worse, my feature film concept sounds like shit compared to everyone else's. I feel unworthy. And when no one prepares for shooting and it falls on my shoulders to create this amazing lighting for a scene that has no direction, I feel stupid. My group wonders why I get moody when it takes us 40 minutes to set up a scene. Basically this all stems from fear of failure and in this case the fear of failing even more. If I am not the best or one of the top writers then I will fail. Screenwriting is not a job that provides 24/7. It is an art and a talent one must possess to succeed. I know it was my choice to go in this direction and that I gave up a life of security when I decided not to be a biology major. Yeah, maybe I wouldn't have been a doctor but the major does offer more outlets for jobs rather than an english or screenwriting major. But this is what I love. I love to write. I love to share my stories, thoughts and ideas with people. I don't want to diagnose people, or build an energy saving thing, or be a business woman. I want to write and make a living off of it. But what happens is when I feel like I am not producing my best, I tend to just give in to this voice inside my head that says "Don't go, they don't understand. Don't go, you might fail again." Screenwriting is all about failing. You fail at your first draft and then you rewrite and then you fail again and keep rewriting till you reach something presentable. I can't go into this profession with the mindset I have right now. At the moment though all I can think about is my fear and worry. Fear and worry. I'm on the edge of falling into this place where I can't breathe nor escape. I die in this place every time I give in to it.