have heart or fuckin forget it

I am tired of waiting. I have waited for a while to feel this way about someone and I am done waiting for the commitment or the go ahead. Instead, I am going to do it myself because they always tell you to follow your heart and well my heart says, "Go". I have been saying recently that the heart not be intellectual because love is not a practical nor a structured thing composed by the mind but rather something composed with the heart. I realize it might scare the crap out of him. I realize he may hate it. I realize he may say no or that he isn't ready. I realize all this but I don't mind the risk because for once I will be able to recover from what could be tragedy. I have built up some protection and optimism that there will be another if he isn't the right one. Of course I hope he is the right one and that he says yes but all I can do is hope for the best. I am tired of wasting time not being with him. For a while I was telling myself that a title doesn't matter but I reconsidered and decided it actually does. Why? It matters because whether you're committing to another in a budding relationship or a life engagement, you are proposing in front of everyone how much you care and that you're somewhat bound to this other person. People say that the title doesn't matter because they know how much that person cares and that's all that they need. That is great and all but I want to commit myself fully to someone in every way possible because they mean that much to me. This sounds like a wedding proposal. Fuck no, it is not. I just want someone to be my boyfriend, be mine. Sue me for being a hopeless romantic. And another thing... I was talking to a friend and he said maybe I shouldn't post my blog on tumblr and twitter. This sparked my thinking of why I post it at all in the first place. I couldn't really answer that question because I told myself that the blog was just for me. I write for me and me only but the reason why I began this blog was to connect with people. Now I don't have mass followers or a million new comments everyday but according to my page views someone is reading my writing. I don't know who is reading it but it doesn't matter just as long as someone is and that someone either feels connected to my writing or it makes them think a bit more about life. So that's why I will keep posting this whether I have one person read it this whole month or 200 people. One is just enough for me. One last thing. You can ask people for advice on what to do but in the end it is your decision and your own advice that you need to take. Only you know you best, so stick with your gut even if in the end you're wrong.