I will try not to sound like a hypocrite in this post.
I have no sympathy for those who whine and never do anything about what is bothering them. I have no sympathy for people who expect the ground to reach their feet. I have no sympathy for people who wont help themselves. I have no sympathy for people who don't fucking try. Yes, I used to be one (sometimes still am one) of those people who was a stick in the mud crying about how shitty their life was, how miserable it was to be alone. Sometimes, I get into a deep depression, a hole without windows and doors...somewhere where nothing seems possible anymore. We all go there. Yes, the keyword is all. Been there, done that. It may seem like people are unbreakable, so strong as if they could realign the leaning Tower of Pisa with a flick of their wrist and a blink of their eye. These people are all over the fucking place walking around as if they have the world on a string that winds up and down for them like a yoyo. We become jealous. "You have what I want!" "You are what I want to be!" But as the saying goes, no one is perfect. Everyone has struggles just as shitty and horrible as yours, this is true but do they show it? Maybe yes , maybe no. My point is that everyone has gone through something, something that they wish never happened, something they try and forget everyday of their life because it's too painful to remember. From these experiences we build walls around certain things, we block people out, we do not seek help. Building a fortress is no good if you can't have a princess, prince, maid, queen or king to accompany you. Knock down the walls of Jericho. Realize that you're not alone in feeling like shit, an outcast, stupid, insane, ugly, fat, a hopeless romantic, short, too tall, paranoid, angry, sad, mean, pimply faced, poor, unlovable, skanky whore, druggie and all other undermining things that bring you below ground." My wall that I have built up is made of bricks cemented with the phrase, "No one will love me if I don't have sex with them." That should be an obvious thing from my previous blogs. Once again my point is that no one, not even you is alone in these feelings. EVERYONE, even fucking so-called celebrities have the same problems as everybody else. What is the difference between the people we hope to be and the people we actually are? Will. Strife. Hope. Courage. Anyone can conquer and own these words, all you have to do is try. I believe I have looked the thing we call, death, in the eye. I have quarreled with death, begged for death and yet here I am writing a blog. I don't need to tell you my story, I need you to write your own. Yes, it's okay to bitch and moan and be sad about things but when they start to overtake your life that's when something inside must change. Become egocentric for a second and imagine that it all comes down to you, you and only you. You are left to save humanity, rescue it from the evil powers that rise from below before it eats up the whole of your own little universe. Fight. Draw your sword and fight to the death (no pun intended but maybe a little). No one can save you but you. You must change. You must better yourself. You must survive. There are so many reasons to want to die and even more reasons to want to stay on this earth and fight. It may sound like I am talking to people who are in particular suicidal but I am really not, I am talking to anyone who has lost their way even if just for a moment. Not everyone survives. Everyday there are things to tempt us, things to woe us towards something that is only trouble masked beneath a cloak that reeks of self destruction. Maybe it isn't self destruction for you maybe it's something that numbs your pain that sits on your shoulder to tempt you. I don't know but I am here to tell you that these days life is hard, life is unfair, life can suck but you must try harder.
1 comment:
Very true. When you mention that we all survive that stands out to me. It's amazing how much we can survive and every bout with physical and emotional pain makes us stronger and wiser human beings.
We must know what battles are worth fighting for. I feel like part of being human is accepting a lack of control. All we can control is our bodies and our mental state. I don't mean to say that these tools aren't powerful but they have their limitations. We must learn to accept the things that we wish to forget, the things that haunt our minds and hearts. We must relive them vividly in order to make peace with them. Most importantly though, time is the greatest healer. Tribulations that looked so daunting are reduced almost to nothing over time.
Anyways, excellent writing and all the best to you.
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