love and other things we dream about

I had this rule for myself which would help me maintain my sanity and my self confidence. I have recently decided to just say,

fuck it

and go back to doing what I do best. I told myself no sex with anyone unless I am in a relationship with them. It has been a while and I am tired of waiting for Mr. Right or Mr. Better than the last douche I dated. I've hit a road block and instead of struggling through this quicksand I am going to be me again. Everyone in high school knew I liked sex and that I was having sex which was consequently a big deal because I was so young( not 14 yrs old or anything creepy like that). I think people somehow then labeled me as this or that because judging from the way they treated me I could see I was different. I was .."that girl." And I have been constantly trying to rid myself of this slutty stereotype but truth is I love sex, even bad sex. I may even be a nymphomaniac. My point is that recently I decided to give in and it is as if the flies are once again drawn to my light. People seem to want me more, not for me but for my vag. I know it sounds wrong, like I am whoring myself out but this isn't a one way street because I get something out of it too. I dream of love and someone who will call me and talk to me for not my vag and sexual appeal but for the me they love. And I have found some but it never seems to work. Maybe I am just an idiot with this thing called love, relationships, everything. I get that guys my age only want sex (most of them but not all) and that a relationship is too much. But I find it funny how everyone is more keen to taste your honey when they don't have to commit to the queen bee. I want commitment but I am sacrificing it for my wants. My wants seem to be more powerful and I've kept them at bay for long enough. I don't think I am a slut, I am just someone who loves sex. I am not going to go sleep with the whole town but I am certainly not going to hold back from the person I am. I won't get attached to you because what exists between us is just another thrusting body, genitals and many kisses. You don't want me any other way so take me as I am and always have been.