Finally have the time of day

I have been immensely busy recently whatnot with work, work, homework, school, and more fucking work. Levis has abused me and I am throughly glad that Nov. 6th is my last day because I will finally start to have a life again, a life that doesn't include being bitched at and folding jeans. I have been yearning to write lately, thoughts have literally been swimming in my head like a school of fish, so many of them. So now that I have a little bit of time I will put them all out here... it will probably be similar to my other posts, an overall encompassing blog.

Last night I watched The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus for the second time and I also watched 2 interviews with Terry Gilliam after the ending of the movie. Gilliam basically spews out a bunch of ideas/themes into one masterpiece. His interviews really made me contemplate how my life is going and what the fuck I am going to do with my life. The big question of, "What do you want to do with your life?" Jesus, that brings up so many difficulties. Am I really doing everything I want to do? No, because everything I want to do is not possible thought it is surely not impossible. Everyday I say to myself, "I want to do that." Maybe it's my attitude of believing it not being possible at the moment but you can't do everything right? I don't know if I really have a concise answer to that yet. But to go back to Gilliam, he talks about imagination a lot. For a while I have thought my imagination and most people's to be dead. I remember I used to set up my plastic animals in my parents "big" showers for an hour then I would play for an hour or until the water ran cold. I could imagine the animals having emotions and scenarios. It was wonderful, I was so happy pretending whether it was with my Breyer horses, Barbies, or plastic animals. Some associate imagination with youth/ being a child. When you grow up, you lose it, you mature (sort of peter pan-ish). I have always adored the story of Peter Pan and in a sense I don't want to grow up, I don't want to lose my creativity, my imagination, the life that breathes air into my soul. What if I could create for the rest of my life. I guess this is the time when the question comes in, " Are you really doing what you want to do in life?" " Do you really want to go to medical school and be a doctor?" This question suprisingly does not stress me out it only stirs deep thoughts. I decided at some point that I want to do great things with my life and my abilities. I have this ability to sympathize, connect, and have complete compassion for others. I love the human body, it truly amazes me. Everything to do with the science field truly sparks the lightbulb or many lightbulbs in my brain. So here I am, a biology major with a concentration in cell and molecular biology with hopes of going to medical school yet yearning to do other things. Other things being animation, art, cinema, singing, horse back riding, EVERYTHING. I can give you reasons as to why these aren't possible right now but it's too lengthy of an explanation. I just don't want to look back and say "God, I wish I could've done that." Already I have tried a lot of things from volleyball to singing lessons. Being in San Francisco really makes me want to utilize all that is here and no where else. I have a friend who truly seems like he has it all, all that he has ever wanted/wished for. He's got opportunities up to timbuck two. How does it do it? How does he balance it all? That's something I wish I had; balance. He makes it seem absolutely effortless. I am jealous. What's the key to balance? I am thinking that if I pursue my dreams that somehow my imagination will come back. My life will become magical. I guess I feel that things are missing in my life, I am still satisfied with life but there are things that could make it amazing like my friends life. In general I throughly enjoy making lists whether it's a list of what to do tonight or things I want to accomplish. Though, this subject/problem I feel cannot be solved by a list. For once I want to feel fulfilled with no wants or yearnings just opportunities to enrich my life. We waste so much time, such as in this blog, complaining of what we fall short of. It' good for me to write it all out and be introspective. I need to just do these things, make a plan or a list, or what for destiny. I don't know but I am tired of losing the things that are within my grasp, things that have diminished over time, I want my imagination back.