confuzzled

I have been trying to pinpoint how I have been feeling in the past 48 hours. I am still unsure but I have come up with the analogy of my life being like a glass half empty and half full. Either way you are looking at it, you are still missing a half. I realize the fullness of my life but I also feel like I am missing something. I am unsure of what I am missing but I feel like it is something.
I thought at first maybe it was that I wasn't busy enough, didn't have enough to do but I figured out very clearly this weekend that that is not the case at all. And then I thought maybe I need to have some recreational past time to indulge myself in, such as yoga or something. This theory might be true. And then I thought about having a significant other. I have been out of a serious relationship for about a year now and I have been enjoying being single. Lately it seems I have been juggling a bunch of potentials. They all seem potentially good, they all have discrepancies, they all are...hmmm. I feel like all my blogs are about guys, that's pathetic. Oh well, it is what it is. I feel overwhelmed by the opportunities and I guess also a little scared. The saying, "trash is, as trash does," rings a bell. Basically the fear that things will go bad frightens me to the point of overwhelming to the next point where I just stop caring (we can't let that happen). How does a peacock get rid of its feathers and become a song bird? That's basically what I need to do. Of course we could just pluck the peacock dry and give him a trumpet to play but maybe it would be harder to change the ways of a human. Vague, vague , vague, I know. Just give me change and I'll be happy. Only I can change this, though sometimes it would be nice to blame it on somebody else.
Give me change or give me death. ( a bit drastic but true in the end )
Everybody says when you stop looking then you will find love. I am not looking I am contemplating trying to figure out what I should and shouldn't do. All I want is someone and happiness. No drama. No dependency. But, when you're 18 how do you find anyone worth your lovable time? I mean if you don't want just a hookup then who's left? Sure there's some out there and maybe I've struck gold, maybe not. I guess I just needed to write some of this down and get it out of my head even if it is pathetic and stupid.
everyone needs somebody.
And here I am thinking of who I need and want and seriously... I don't even need to be making a decision yet because there's nothing to make a decision about.
LIVE IN THE PRESENT.
Take a deep breath and say it will all work out for the best.
Take things slow and don't drink too much.
Be okay with leaving some broken hearts.