Timing is everything

I concoct these fantasies of how I want things to turn out and in turn they blind me from the reality of the situation. I get lost in my own hopes of perfection. Life is never perfect or how you expect it to be. Lately I have been pushing diligently in a certain situation to make it work, to help it survive through all this wackiness called Molly. I am becoming a great pretender. I am making up excuses for what is happening, when really I should be relishing in this glorious gooey thing called a crush. The worst part of it all is I don't know how to say all this out loud. I can certainly write it down on paper, type it up on a bright screen and of course think it over in my head. But, I can't admit to myself, aloud, that this is not going to work out. I think a part of me fears losing this connection even if it is a faulty one. Also, a part of me still has hope that there is a future for us as something more than we are now. A friend told me to focus on school and then love will come later. I know he's right but I just can't admit it to myself and accept it. Honestly I'd love to just exploit this whole thing between me and him with my words. Tell it like it is even if it's not how it is. Why do I feel like I am always right in these situations? Correction, I am not right nor wrong, we are both right. We are just not right for each other. I just wish I could make him right because there is something about him that I can't explain that draws me to him uncontrollably, like I'm under a spell. Sounds lame, I know. He is similar to the only person I have ever loved and yet completely different. Something about him keeps me holding on and yet all I need to do right now is let go. It is funny because I think at different time things might be perfect.