In my life..

I've been browsing through pictures, reliving memories of everything. A lot of SF memories.

I miss jazzy so much. I miss the street lamps in the sunset glowing as I walked to my brother's house on 29th and Judah. I even miss dizzyingly walking and screaming and calling Chris cause I was so high on molly and liquor.

Yes, I was miserable. But, during the moments when I was high on whatever I could find, god fucking damn I was surely on top of the world. Nothing could stop me. Except maybe throwing up on myself on the muni (I know, super gross, but living the high life aint always clean).

After a friend breakup, jazzy was my shelter. She comforted me and made me start this new chapter of my life. She was my compatriot, my partner in crime. We fucked shit up and were beautiful while doing it. She also introduced me to Eric. Jedi tail man.

Point being, it hurts yet brings tears of happiness to my eyes to look back on this life style, these memories, the love I left behind, not to mention the pain.

I am not friends with these people. I don't know what they did yesterday or what they're doing now.

It's weird how life changes within a year. Your best friends are no longer even friends. merely strangers.

I will say looking back on these pictures makes me want to drink. Makes me want to be the fun, outgoing, funny, sexy, fun girl at the party all over again (I put fun in there twice! interesting). I still wish that one day I'll be able to control myself, but that day will never come until I accept myself. I am still very at odds with who I am and who I want to be and who I've pretended to be.

I love The Beatles of course. Rubber Soul is my favorite album. "My Life" is on there. The beginning is exactly how I feel

There are places I remember
All my life, though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I've loved them all

So there you go. I miss all these people.

I miss jazmine
I miss Maddy
I miss Dawn
I miss Dani
I miss Rashad a lot
I miss Jenn
I miss Jessica
I miss it all


My life changed in San Francisco. I changed for better or worse. Now, here I am sober and moderately happy.

sometimes I think I'd risk everything to go back to that time when my life was a constant party of crazy fun and memories I'll never forget.