pure nonsensical whims

My blog is so basic and boring. It annoys me. Except I remember when blogspot/blogger changed formats and so I converted my blog to the new format, but it looked fucking hideous so that is why I stuck with the basic boring blog I have now. Ugh.

I have a feeling this post will be pure nonsense.

So I had my first class today, the language of film. It seems semi interesting, but sometimes I wish I would've just stuck to being a bio major even though I was failing all my classes. Screenwriting is scary. I keep envisioning myself as the tortured writer working at Starbucks till my body becomes ash and eventually mixes with the coffee grounds. I wasn't good enough for Chapman, only Fullerton. I am no Lena Dunham or anyone else severely talented. I am just Molly, who likes to write.

I don't know. I feel pretty alone right now, but in the good healthy way(this is what I asked for by being single). It is quite alright being lonely, but a lil part of it sucks. Yet, I feel so free. Free from obligations to others. All I've got to worry about is myself. I need to write more.

My friend from Saddleback who is in my language of film class is actually a viking, kind of. He dresses in all this crazy garb that I love and I respect him so much for being who he wants to be. He loves metal, has long hair, plays with swords, makes his own mead, wears leather arm band thingys, has crafted fur on his tattered jean sleeveless jacket. He is so positively weird. I would do anything just to feel content with myself enough to not give a rat's ass about what people think of me.

The whole stripping thing has been on my mind a lot lately. I have been tossing and turning, biting my nails and losing sleep over the mere idea of stripping. I decided I am going to do it. I am going to find an amateur night and try it out. I am not going to commit to a job or anything, at least not at first. I haven't been able to find an amateur night in the OC but I am hoping some LA clubs will have a night during the week.

Honestly I felt so depressed because I kept thinking that I was the problem and that these yearnings of mine were sinful. As Macklemore & Ryan Lewis song Same Love says, "A world so hateful some would rather die than be who they are." That's exactly how I felt.

So I am going to do it rather than hate myself for just thinking about it.

Here is the link to amazing song, quoted from above.

http://youtu.be/hlVBg7_08n0