I was livid yesterday, and now a day later I feel differently about it all.
I realized at times I can be a little insane, a little mad, a little uncertain, a bit high maintenance.
I never thought of myself as high maintenance because I don't need or expect any guy to get me gifts n shit.
But, since I AM INCONSISTENT with how I feel, changing from one side of the spectrum to the next in a blink of an eye, I am high maintenance. I am a lot of work in a relationship.
For me to blame others for being inconsistent is me being a hypocrite.
Besides, after you have thrown people from left field to right field to all over, well they tend to be less than willing in all respects.
It is like I am mad because someone doesn't like me at this moment when I like them, but, a month ago they liked me and I was questioning it all.
See. Hypocrite.
I understand where I went wrong, the insane pattern I put myself and men through. Though, there are still some things I don't understand,but I suppose if people aren't willing to explain then it doesn't much matter.
I want to believe that the people I care about still care about me, but sometimes you just don't know. I am trying to be okay with it, well, I am starting from today forth to be okay with it. I admit I am hurt and I wish I wasn't my crazy self, but hopefully next time it will be different for me and whomever.
You can only hope for progress and for change in yourself.
This repetitive pattern I use on guys to control and manipulate our relationship is going to stop. I am also going to stop objectifying myself with the crude things I say. That subject is a whole other blog post in itself.
So... all in all, when you can't change what happened try changing yourself because you just might be a part of the reason why things didn't work out.
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