before or after

Before I met him I was doing well, I was happy and recovering from a past break up and at the time I wasn't looking to have a new guy let alone any guy in my life. But after hanging out with him a few times I realized that he was a really good guy. He is sweet, considerate, funny, a family guy, and driven. After my last boyfriend , he become more than I could ever ask for. As we started dating , he made things better, and yes we had a few bumps in the road but we go through them and continued on. Currently I am still seeing him and he continues to make me so happy and basically just make my life better. I used to pity those young girls who would throw their lives away for some guy who they thought was their true love. I am not saying he is or isn't my true love but he's something very special to me and at times I feel like those young ignorant girls I used to think were pathetic. And, yesterday we weren't texting as much and he didn't call me to have our nightly talk, I freaked out and started thinking about dreadful things like him cheating on me and not wanting to be with me. It's not that I don't trust him, basically it's how my mind works. But it made me think that what if that did happen what if we stopped seeing each other? Would I fall apart like with last guy who stole my heart? Would I be able to still be happy without him? I don't want a guy to control my emotions, I want to be my own person. I want to be with a guy cause I want to not cause I have to because I'm afraid of what my life will be when we break up. And so now I am battling with that question. What would life be without him? maybe this is a stupid question but I don't want to break apart like I did last time.